Thursday, October 25, 2007 2:47 PM
"she's trying to be okay with you."makes me wonder .. is it really so hard to like me? am i really that difficult to get along with? am i really that unlikeable? makes me hate myself sometimes, even though i may seem like i don't care about it .. but i feel that it affects me alot, especially emotionally.
nevermind ..
so, i have told myself that i should care less about what other people's perspectives of me are. but .. it just doesn't seem to work. maybe it's me just being overly self-conscious. but yah .. i've lived my life always trying to make people like me. i'm serious. to me, i've always tried to compromise with everyone, and to give my best to every friend i meet. but it just seems so .. disappointing. so disappointing to hear that all your efforts have gone to waste at the end of the day, because that person just doesn't like you.
it's so sad isn't it? i mean, you tried so hard but you still ain't liked by the person. and we're not even talking about the boy-girl kind of like, but just a normal "i have a good impression of you" kind of like. it makes you think like your best is other people's worst; like you haven't given your best and you are just not good enough, like you're inferior and everything else ..
personally, i've never believed in rumors. i hear them, i feel shocked after hearing them. but i'm never like prejudiced against that particular person after hearing it. i just feel that it's so .. unfair for that person. i'd rather have some communication with that person before actually 'judging' him. i think it's more fair that way ..
and i just don't understand why someone has to act so .. i'm in a lack of verbs to use. but yah, i don't see the point of trying so hard to act like you like the person when you know yourself so well that you really don't. there's really .. no point. i think even if it's you don't want to hurt the person's feelings, the furthest you should go is to pretend like you're neutral. why pretend to like the person, make yourself feel so horrible because you have to PRETEND, and at the end of the day backstab that person?
let me illustrate a situation:
roles involved: grace and lynette.
(the names are purely used for illustration, and the illustration is totally made up.)grace doesn't like lynette, but lynette doesn't know. so lynette talks to grace like a friend, thinking that grace treats her like a real friend. but grace's friend knows that grace doesn't like lynette. so they spent a day together, etc etc. because grace has been pretending, she'll naturally feel horrible right?
(you just suck if you don't feel horrible for lying to someone, really. just shows that you're so immuned to it, it doesn't matter anymore.) so at the end of the day, she goes to her friends and start ranting: omg, that lynette think she what sia. think people all like her, behave until so friendly towards us.
don't you think it's very what the hell? if you don't, then nevermind. cause to me, it's really ultimately what the hell. so i feel that there's no point in faking. (:
(sorry for the really bad illustration. i'm quite bad at such stuff, haha.)okay, maybe i just don't understand kay. but i believe that we should all treat the people we meet sincerely and truthfully. it's always good to be truthful.
honesty pays. (:
so, that's how i really feel. and if you don't think i'm such a person, then maybe you don't know me well enough and should probably stop assuming things about me. i'm not trying to say i'm oh-so-good and everything, but just trying to write down what i feel about such stuff. if you don't believe, it's okay. just don't start rumours about me thinking that i'm very nice, because i don't think i am.
i don't know lah .. i just hate people assuming things about me. i really hate it, especially when they have barely any communication with me, or just a superficial hi-bye. it's nothing, really. get to know the person before you assume kay? i don't think i'm very likeable, and should be liked by everyone, but i've always been giving my best to everyone. .. i don't know how to say it, but yah.
and i'm not fake, i have never been hypocritical. if you heard from others i've said some stuff about you, but i still appear like i like you, then it's not exactly what you heard. it's more like, i don't like this certain behaviour of yours, but i'm still cool with you. seriously. anything, just ask me. i won't flare at you, i promise.
so .. get to know me kay? (: i'll be nice to you, i promise. -smiles.
i'll end off my post with special thanks to many of my friends who've heard before stuff about me, but yet still chose to believe in my character. really, that means
a hell lot to me. (:
<3
